Dinner With Dracula
Being the Weird Adventures of Charles Winterbottom, Archeologist with Azathoth, Cthulhu, the Yeti Queen, the Dark Gods of Lemuria – And Other Terrifying Creatures of the Night
(Now available in both paperback and e-book forms.)
by Joe Vadalma
Excerpt:
Winterbottom entered Doctor Aaron
Gamostein's office, a room which could only be described as a shambles. His
eyes wandered to a blackboard full of scribbled formulas, drawings of geometric
shapes that were like optical illusions and mathematical equations. None of it
made the slightest sense to Winterbottom. After he doffed his floppy hat, he
made his way through piles of books and overflowing wastebaskets to sit on a
straight-backed chair facing Gamostein's desk. The famous physicist had on a
rumpled, stained suit; his long uncut hair flared out from his head wildly; and
his spectacles were perched precariously on his forehead. He was deeply
engrossed with something on his computer, which set among a jumble of papers,
reports, magazines and books. He was completely oblivious of Winterbottom's
entrance.
Winterbottom cleared his throat.
"Be with you in a
minute," Gamostein growled.
The archaeologist waited
patiently for several additional minutes. Finally, Gamostein yelled, "I
did it. I got that damn frog across the road." He pumped his arm a few
times in triumph and gazed up at his visitor. Grinning sheepishly, he said,
"Darn computer games. They're so addicting." He stood up and extended
his hand. "You're Doctor Winterbottom, I presume."
As Winterbottom rose to shake
Gamostein's hand, his well-starched field jacket and trousers crinkled noisily.
"The honor is mine, sir, to meet the man who discovered the chronotron,
the elementary particle of time. In the years to come, I'm sure it will prove
to be a great boon to mankind."
Gamostein waved his hand as
though to dismiss the compliment. "Perhaps. So far, however, no time
travelers from the future have dropped in on me to get my autograph. Besides,
someone would have made that discovery soon or later. It was inevitable once
you posited the evolution of the universe since the big bang, quantum theory,
relativity, the graviton, dark matter, dark energy and the multiverse. The
thing is to come up with a single theory that explains everything. Now that
would be a discovery. The God theory I call it. But, enough of my meandering. I
understand that you've volunteered to be my guinea pig, so to speak."
Winterbottom curled up the
corners of his thin lips. "Yes Doctor, I understand that the university
engineering department has designed a time machine using your theory of
elementary time particles."
"That's true. And it works.
We have sent objects and animals forward and backwards in time using the
device. But so far, no actual human beings. In fact you may be in luck. As a
demonstration, I intend to send my cat to this very moment from two weeks in
the future. It should arrive any second."
As though on cue, a shabby black
cat appeared seemingly out of nowhere to land on the Winterbottom's lap,
startling him so that he leaped up and tipped over his chair. After gaining his
aplomb, he brushed cat hair off his lap, righted his chair, and said mildly,
"Amazing. And you claim that the creature arrived here from two weeks in
the future."
"I assume so. That's when I
intend to send him back in time. Sorry about his landing in your lap though."
Winterbottom thought for a
moment. "But suppose you forget to send him?"
Gamostein shrugged. "A
paradox. In two weeks there might be two identical Jakes, that's assuming. Jake
is really my cat's name. You see, I haven't named him yet since he just
arrived. Hmm." He got up and went to the blackboard, erased about a
quarter of it, and began to write mathematical formulas furiously. Finally, he
scratched his head, getting chalk dust in his hair, and said,
"Schrodinger's uncertainty principle comes into play in this case. The
actual outcome is unclear mathematically."
"I see. So the consequences
of time travel are not always predictable?"
"Precisely. That's why I
think you're a brave man to volunteer for this project. We really don't know
what dangers a time traveler may face. We've made educated guesses, but we
really don't know. Your position is similar to the first men to venture into
space."
Winterbottom puffed out his
chest. "Well, I'm no stranger to danger. There are many hazards that
archaeologists face while on a dig; irate natives, poisonous snakes, scorpions,
tomb robbers, bandits, uncooperative governments, exotic diseases, ancient
curses, to name only a few. Besides I was almost eaten by the Azaroth on Mars
and attacked by the Cthulu in Woodstock, New York."
"Good. The world needs men
like you, men who do not fear to risk their lives for a worthy cause. But,
before you commit yourself, I would like to give you our assessment of the
dangers I believe you may face."
"I understand. Forewarned is
forearmed."
Gamostein began to pace with his
hands folded behind his back and slightly bent over. Winterbottom was reminded
of the twentieth century comedian Groucho Marx. A position Gamostein often took
when lecturing students. "I'm assuming that because of your occupation,
that we will be sending you to the past. The first danger you may face is the
possibility of an object occupying the same space as yourself in the time
period that you are sent. We will minimize this hazard by launching you from deepest
space." He gazed over his glasses at Winterbottom. "Have you ever
been outside of the solar system?"
"No. But, as I said before,
I have traveled to Mars. A highly developed civilization exists there
underground. But they are not friendly. They sacrifice strangers to their
demon-god, Azathoth. Uh, I have a question. How will I return to earth? I'm not
a space pilot."
"Oh, the space-time machine
is completely automatic. It will fly you into deep space away from any stellar
systems. By the push of a button it will send you into the past at the selected
date and time. Once it arrives in the past, it will fly you directly to the
designated spot on earth, which will be in a remote area near the chosen
location. On return, it will do everything again in the reverse order. All you
have to do is close a few switches."
"I see. Press on."
"As I said, you will be
launched from deep space where the hazard from other objects in minimal. Yet,
it is not zero. There's the off-chance that a micrometeorite will exist in the
exact same location as your craft in the period you wish to visit. But, the
odds against it are astronomical. Nonetheless ... you never know.
"The second danger is more
likely. Although we will take every precaution and give you weapons with which
to defend yourself, there is always the threat of something in the past that
may cause you harm. For example, if you go to the era when saber-toothed tigers
existed, you could be mauled and eaten by one. Or, more likely, you might go to
a period where a war is going on; you could become the target of an arrow,
spear, bullet or bomb. Also, you must be careful about the local mores and
prohibitions. For example, your knowledge of modern science and technology
could get you burned at the stake as a witch in certain ages."
"I'm prepared to face such
hazards. But, after what you said about the cat, what concerns me is the
possibility of creating a paradox. For example, suppose I do something that
prevents my own birth. For example, cause the death of an ancestor before my
later ancestor is born? How do I avoid this?"
The physicist chuckled. "I
see that you do not really understand the nature of time travel. Suppose you
went to the past and did kill your ancestor. It wouldn't make a bit of
difference. Do you know why? It is because when you return to the present, you
will not be returning to the universe you left. Just the fact of your going to
the past at all creates a 'paradox' if only a single future existed from any
point of time. In that case time travel would be impossible.
"The thing is that from each
instant of time, there are an infinite number of possible futures. Parallel
universes exist for every possibility. Some are only slightly different. Others
are vastly different. Sometimes the difference is so minuscule that you may not
detect any change whatsoever. You might believe that you had returned to the
universe you left. In other cases, the changes would be so great that the
universe you return to would be insanely different from the one you knew. When
you go to the past and return, you move sideways in time, as well as backward
and forward. The more the present is changed by your actions in the past the
more sideways slippage."
"It sounds complicated. I
don't ... think I understand."
"Allow me to illustrate. I
want you to be very clear on this point before you make your final decision to
go through with the experiment."
Gamostein went to the blackboard,
erased everything that had been written on it previously and drew a horizontal
line from one edge to the other. On the right side of the line he placed a
large dot. He pointed to the dot. "Now, let's say this is the present
moment. If I send you back to the past ..." He moved his finger from right
to left along the line. He stopped near the left edge and drew another dot.
"Your arrival in the past changes the entire future from that moment on.
So the next moment in your future would be here." He drew a short diagonal
line from the dot and placed another dot on the end of it. He chalked in another
horizontal line starting at the second dot. This line was parallel to the first
line. "Now suppose you perform an action that changes history." He
placed a second, large diagonal line emanating from the second dot and a dot at
the end of it. "Okay. At this point you return to the present." He
drew a third horizontal line parallel to the other two and made a large dot at
the right end of it. This dot was vertically displaced from the very first dot
he had drawn. "As you can see, the universe here is much different from
the one you started from, although from your standpoint -- as the time traveler
-- you would be at the same location in time." He glanced at his watch.
"Let's say at exactly three forty six in the afternoon of the twenty-sixth
of January of the year twenty fifty two A. D."
"This moment."
"Correct. The exact moment
you left to go to the past." Gamostein grinned and brushed his hands as
though his illustration had explained the whole concept.
Winterbottom was more bewildered
than ever and stared wide-eyed at the diagram. "Uh ... I think I grasp the
concept. You mean, I don't actually change the present in this universe. I just
sort of create a new ... uh, present. But ... but what happens to the real
present."
"There is no such thing as a
'real' present. The other parallel presents are as real as the one you are
living in. Actually, since we are continuously moving from the past toward the
future, in essence the present does not exist. But as I understand your
question, the present as it seems to exist from my point of view remains
unchanged."
The more Gamostein explained, the
more confused Winterbottom became. "What do you mean when you say 'seems
to exist from your point of view'?' The same moment also exists for me, doesn't
it?. Time and the material universe are objective things. They exist other than
in our minds, regardless of what some nihilistic philosophers may say."
"Oh, I am not saying that
the universe at any particular moment is simply a subjective phenomena of our
minds. Although an objective material universe exists at the present moment, it
is but one of an infinite universes that exist at the same moment. We are not
aware of them because they are in dimensions other than our familiar three. As
the great Albert Einstein has demonstrated, the universe is relative to the
observer and depends upon where we are and our motion relative to the things we
are observing." Gamostein had warmed up to his subject and waved his arms
about as he spoke. "Time travel theory has its basis in the theory of
relativity as well as quantum theory and indeterminism. You see, I was not the
first to theorize that a time particle must exist. I simply performed the
experiments that proved its existence. The first to hypothesize a time particle
was the genius mathematician, Doctor Hoygold. His premise, in his brilliant
paper on the topic, is that in order for the universe to exist as it does,
there must be a time particle with wavelike properties. The theory of
chronotons reconciles relativity with quantum theory and allows the possibility
of time travel."
Winterbottom rolled his eyes.
"I'm afraid the entire subject is a bit too technical for my
understanding. After all, I'm only an archaeologist, more used to dealing with
chips of clay than atomic particles. Tell me though, if I'm extremely careful
to change the past as little as possible, will the universe I return to be
identical to this one?"
"The odds are very good. I'd
say almost astronomical in your favor. You see, according to Hoygold's theory,
there's a damping effect in time that keeps things relatively stable --
although this has yet to be proven. The thing is, to be on the safe side, you
should simply observe. Try not to touch anything, move anything or disturb the
past in any way. Well, now that I have made you aware of the hazards, are you
still determined to go through with it?"
"Oh yes. It's been my dream
for as long as I can recall to see ancient Greece in all its glory. To hear
Socrates or Plato lecture in person."
"Well then, you seem to be
ready to go ahead with your part of the project. Of course, there'll be a
training period. You'll have to learn how to operate the space-time machine,
and what to do in an emergency, although for the most part, it functions automatically
once we've set its parameters. An artificial intelligence program does all the
calculations and controls the operation of the equipment. Nonetheless, there
are a small number of manual controls. Also, if for some reason, you cannot
return to the shuttle during the rendezvous window, you might need to modify
its program slightly. Naturally, you'll also have to brush up on your ancient
Greek, language, customs and so forth. Would you like a tour of our facilities
now?"
"Be delighted."
Gamostein strode down the space
station's corridor at a pace that made the Winterbottom hurry to keep up,
although his legs were longer than the physicist's. They halted before a wide
metal door which Gamostein opened by placing his thumb on a reader. With a loud
rumble, the massive door slowly opened. Beyond it was a large shuttle bay in
the center of which was a one-man spaceship. Technicians, scientists, engineers
and mechanics swarmed over it, making adjustments, taking measurements and
servicing its mechanical and electronic parts.
Gamostein put an arm around
Winterbottom's shoulders and made a sweeping gesture with his free hand.
"There it is, the space-time machine, a marvel of engineering designed for
atmospheric, space and time travel." He led the archaeologist to the
ship's access door. The cockpit's interior was cramped, and Winterbottom's eyes
bugged when he saw the enormous number of dials, meters, switches and other
controls on the instrument panel. He wondered if he would need to learn what
they were all for. He knew he could not even program a VCR properly. "Will
I have to know ..." He gulped. "What all those dials and switches are
for?"
"Hardly. Most of them are
for the people who service the ship and the engineers. You'll be concerned with
but a half dozen controls. Of course, there are manuals aboard that describe
each instrument, if for some unknown reason you need to know the purpose of any
dial or switch. The important ones, the ones you'll actually use, will be
explained during your training." Gamostein showed Winterbottom one of the
manuals, which was double the thickness of the Manhattan phone book.
"Right now, I want you to
see this." He pointed to a small computer screen and the keyboard below
it. He patted it. "This is where the software that controls and monitors
the chronoship resides. Let me demonstrate." He pressed a button, and a
brightly colored menu appeared on the screen with the words Program Selection
above it. The third item in the menu was Chronotravel Parameters. He selected this
option with the mouse. Another menu appeared. The items were Current Date
and Time, Destination Date and Time, Orbital Distance to Earth Zero, Map
Coordinates and so forth. Next to each item was a series of numbers. For
example, across from the Current date and time was 01:26:2052/16:11:35:
followed by a blur after the last colon. When the 35 changed to 36 as
Winterbottom watched, he nodded. Of course, this was the current date and time.
He glanced at his watch to confirm. Since his watch was two minutes ahead, he
reset it to the time on the screen.
After they explored the ship,
Gamostein took him on a tour of the space station.
To read more about Charles Winterbottom's adventures, including the time he had dinner with Dracula, you may purchase it at Page Turner Editions or any other online e-book store. And now as a paperback at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.